It is an occupational hazard of being a professional drinks person that your friends will send you unhinged viral cocktail content and ask you to weigh in. Perhaps you’ve seen one of these how-to videos that yield suspiciously delicious-looking drinks using improbable techniques and wondered, above all else: why?
Or maybe you were among the dozen or so people who sent me an Instagram reel that uses a coffee machine to infuse mini-Starburst candy into tequila, resulting in a pitcher of “skinny” margaritas and begged me to comment on its validity. The video has over 9 million views and the caption describes the drink as “SO GOOD.” When I watched it for the first time, my emotions went from horror to disgust to, eventually, fascination. Could the heat of a coffee machine be used to augment the flavours of a spirit in ways previously unattainable? I had to find out.
The video starts with @adley putting about a half a package of unwrapped mini Starbursts in the top of a coffee machine and filling the reservoir with blanco tequila. The carafe is filled with ice and wedges of orange and lime. She then shoves (rather brutally) six whole jalapeños into a hot toaster to blister their skin. A glass is prepared with a rim of sugar and a few slices of the jalapeño are muddled into it. We are then shown the tequila filtering through the candy into the carafe. The resulting orange liquid is then poured into the prepared glass and then with great fanfare, and she excitedly drinks as if it is the most delicious thing in the world.
I am a lover of “bad” drinks. I love to dust off old recipes that people have decided are not worthy and see what can be made of them. Midori Sour? Sign me up. Olive Garden Margarita? I’ll take two. I also love to subject myself to questionable experiences in the name of a good bit.
After faithfully replicating this video in excruciating detail, I can now say that this is a bad drink that I hate with a sincere passion. Adley is my new nemesis. I am forever changed-for the worse. Under no circumstances should you replicate any part of this video. Here’s why:
The big assumption here is that there are people out there who actually want Starburst-infused tequila, but hey, there is a time and a place. If you like candy and like tequila, how could the two things be bad together, right? Wrong. When the hot tequila passes over the Starbursts, very little of what is delicious about the candy is captured in the liquid. My knowledge of the physical sciences is insufficient to explain this, but the tequila only picks up the candy’s colouring and uncanny chemical-ey taste. Everything ostensibly “good” about Starburst is left in the filter. Which brings me to my next point.
Though not irreparably, your machine will clog pretty early on in the process when the candy turns into a gooey sludge. I had to pick up the filter and squeeze it to get all the liquid out. It’s not a “hack” if you have to put in extra work in order to achieve the desired result. That said, I did not permanently damage my coffee machine-only my dignity. To clean the machine, I ran it once with plain water and after that the coffee it made did not taste at all like tequila or Starburst. Plus, using the carafe as a cocktail pitcher is a neat trick in a pinch.
Actually, no drink is “skinny.” Not only is branding drinks as such a fatphobic moralization of physical pleasure, this drink is literally made out of sugar and alcohol. The only way this drink will help you lose weight is by killing your appetite altogether.
There are certain lines I will not cross. It seemed like testing the physical capacity of a toaster oven by shoving fruit in it was a great way to start a fire, so I used my air fryer instead. I now have a new favourite method for roasting jalapeños, by the way.
This cannot be emphasized enough. If the drink was in any way appealing, I might be able to forgive the aforementioned issues, but it is not. I’m actually struggling to articulate what is so bad about it. Usually I can sniff out structural flaws in a beverage pretty easily. When tasting this drink, I lost my capacity for analytical thought. All I could perceive was my deep lizard brain sounding alarm bells for me to pour every last drop of this drink down the drain.
There is a much simpler way to fuse Starburst and tequila-simply put them together in the same container overnight and call it a day. Once you have that, you’re working with something that slightly resembles a liqueur rather than a spirit, so if you want a quick drink, all you’d need to do is add a bit of acidity and you have yourself a balanced cocktail.
I put together this riff on a classic Martinique’s national cocktail, the Ti’ Punch, which is akin to citrus-inflected Old Fashioned made with the island’s distinctive Rhum Agricole. (The Ti’ is short for petit, by the way.) The classic recipe is sweetened with a hint of cane syrup, but here it’s not needed since the infused tequila brings plenty of sugar. Sip this in your fire-free apartment while admiring your still-intact coffee maker, with the firm knowledge that there is always a better way.
Ingredients: • 60ml Starburst-infused tequila (see below) • 1 slice of lime • 2 slices roasted jalapeño • Garnish: orange wedge (and what remains of your dignity)
Directions: 1. Slice a disc off the side of a lime so that you have a small amount of juicy pulp. Squeeze the disk into an old fashioned glass. 2. Add jalapeño slices and infused tequila and fill the glass with ice. Stir briskly for about 20 seconds using a bar spoon (or swizzle stick if you have one). 3. Top glass with more crushed ice and garnish with the orange wedge and serve with a straw.
Ingredients: • 350ml blanco tequila (or reposado if you prefer) • ½ cup unwrapped mini starburst
Directions: 1. Combine Starbursts and tequila in a small bowl and leave covered on the counter for at least 12 hours, stirring every few hours. 2. Strain through a fine meshed strainer into a clean container. 3. Will keep in the refrigerator for up to one month.
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John deBary is a drinks expert and writer. His first cocktail book, Drink What You Want, is available now, and his next book, Saved by the Bellini, is expected in early 2023. He is also the co-founder and president of the Restaurant Workers’ Community Foundation, which is dedicated to improving the lives of hospitality industry professionals through advocacy, grant making, and impact investing.
Despite the fact that they were first introduced to the world in 3500 BC, chia seeds became “trendy” around 2012. Wellness blogs everywhere touted the ancient superfood for its innumerable health benefits, and we found a way to sneak them into just about any recipe that could do with a little more fibre. But if you read the back of an average pouch, it was likely the brand had zero connection to the seed’s Aztec and Mayan origins.
Luckily things are changing, and we’re starting to see more and more members of the Latinx community take ownership of the superfoods that have long-fueled their cultures-from chocho and nopales to quinoa, and amaranth. Take, for example, The Pinole Project, a family-run oatmeal brand specializing in the Aztec superfood that is pinole, a ground heirloom corn sourced from Oaxaca, Mexico. The Mexican-American Jacquez family founded The Pinole Project to honour their grandmother, Adela, who would add pinole to many of her dishes-specifically avena, or slow-cooked oatmeal. “Adela had a lot on her plate and looked to high-quality food to help push through her physically and mentally exhausting days raising a family and working on her and my grandfather’s humble ranch in Chihuahua, Mexico,” says Bella Jacquez, head of marketing for The Pinole Project.
Pinole offers sustained, plant-based energy, with high levels of fibre and protein. “It has a low glycemic index and is a complex carbohydrate, so it’s digested slowly, providing slow-burning energy which keeps you full for longer,” Jacquez says. That also means no spike or crash. “Many of our customers comment that they’ll eat a serving before or after an intense workout and will feel full for hours.”
It’s no wonder that pinole is a popular food among the Tarahumara, an indigenous community residing in the Sierra Madre region of Chihuahua. They’re renowned for their long-distance running ability, calling themselves the Rarámuri, which, in their native language, means “light feet” or “runners on foot.”Jacquez’s grandfather, Arsenio, learned the language of the Tarahumana as a young child, and over the course of his 85 years of life, developed lasting bonds with them. “He used to go to the mountains with his father to trade with the Tarahumara, often serving as an interpreter,” Jacquez explains. “My grandparents would welcome Tarahumara into their home to provide shelter when needed, and to share stories. They were able to learn about the culture of running and pinole’s role as a nutritious pre-running meal.”
But beyond the health benefits and reverence to tradition, pinole tastes good. The brand’s oatmeal is a rethinking of your average Quaker Oats, with subtle hints of corn that add a welcome nuttiness.
Most important to the company, however, is its mission to tell the stories of their ancestors. “We believe we’re messengers trying to connect the past, present, and future-inspiring more people to connect with pinole, Mexican history, and food culture,” Jacquez says.
To incorporate more ancestral foods into everyday meals, check out these Latinx superfood brands:
A packet of Pinole Chia Oatmeal includes non-GMO heirloom corn, chia seeds, cinnamon, raw vegan cane sugar, and gluten-free oats, offering gut-friendly prebiotics that can aid in digestion. Each serving has 10 grams of fibre and 8-14 grams of protein depending on flavour. You can enjoy the corn-sugar-cinnamon combo on its own, or opt for the Banana Cinnamon and PB & Cacao flavours. A chuck in the microwave makes for a great, steamy bowl of oats in the morning, but you can also incorporate the mix into baked oats, overnight oats, waffles, pancakes, and muffins. “I find that when I’m craving something sweet, I’ll swap out the flour in cookie recipes with our original flavoured product and bake some delicious protein and fibre pinole cookies,” Jacquez says.
This single-source, plant-based protein powder was founded by fifth-generation Ecuadorian farmer and former professional athlete, Ricky Echanique. It’s made from chocho, a powerful lupin that has been harvested for thousands of years by indigenous farmers. The protein grows in the Andes Mountains and contains plant fibre, vitamin E, magnesium, all nine essential amino acids, and as much calcium per serving as a glass of milk. Plus, it’s naturally regenerative, thriving on rain water alone and pulling nitrogen deep into the soil as it grows, making it more fertile for future crops. There are three varieties available-pure chocho, vanilla, and cacao-which each blend seamlessly into anything from smoothies to veggie burgers.
These crunchy snacks are made from nopales, the fiber-packed cactus pads that are a staple of Mexican cuisine (they’re on the flag, symbolizing the time when the Aztecs founded Mexico City, after seeing an eagle on top of a nopal). Nopales are rich in vitamin E, calcium, magnesium, and other vitamins and minerals. When she moved to Chicago from Mexico City, founder Regina Trillo noticed a scarcity of nutritious, Latinx-owned food brands in the “ethnic aisle.” So she developed the Cheeto-like Nemi Snacks, which feature, in addition to nopal, some other Aztec superfoods, like amaranth, an ancient grain similar to quinoa, and spirulina, a blue-green algae that acts as a powerful antioxidant. The sticks come in four Latin-inspired flavors-Chile Turmeric, Churro, Mexican Lime, and Smoky Chipotle.
Born in Ecuador to a banana farmer and agricultural entrepreneur, Saskia Sorrosa founded Fresh Bellies, a family snack brand designed for preschoolers and their parents. Sorroso believes these snacks-made with the ancient whole grain sorghum-can train palates to crave savory flavors instead of sugars or extra saltiness. Sorghum is gluten-free, low in fat, rich in antioxidants, vitamins, has 22 grams of protein in one cup, and is a great source of fibre. The Groovies line features puffs that get their flavouring from actual vegetables, seasoned with spices inspired by Sorrosa’s heritage that you rarely find in kid food, like sage and garlic.
LiveKuna works directly with farmers in Ecuador to supply superfoods that are distributed worldwide. Friends Carlos Gutiérrez and Santiago Stacey launched with chia seeds, eventually incorporating other locally grown superfoods, like quinoa and amaranth, into cereals, pastas, and snack puffs. “We started this company out of curiosity and frustration knowing that 99% of chia seeds grown in our own country were being exported, and our own people who produced, were not taking advantage of this amazing seed. LiveKuna was then created to promote and bring superfood consumption back to its roots,” Santiago says on the brand’s website.
Husband-and-wife duo Lisa and Ismael Petrozzi founded Llamaland with the intent to celebrate Peru, home of some of the most nutritious superfoods in the world. Their cereals and spreads feature lesser-known superfood ingredients like arracacha, the “white carrot” of the Andes, sacha inchi, known as the “nut of the Incas,” and camu camu, one of the world’s most abundant sources of natural vitamin C. The brand’s best-selling Lucuma Superfruit Spread is made of the ancient superfruit lucuma, or the “gold of the Incas.” You can smear this caramel-like spread on pancakes, or use it to top off ice cream.
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Jessica Sulima is a staff writer on the Food & Drink team at Thrillist. Follow her on Twitter and Instagram.